What’s going on in my life? Very little is new. I have a Nintendo DS now, so more of my potential can be sucked away by video games. As much as I love video games, I hate how addicting they can be.
You look at a typical console RPG like Final Fantasy 12. 100 hours of gameplay! Wow! Assuming a person has a full-time job and does little more than play FF12 in their free time, they’ll probably dump about a month into the game.
It makes me sad to think of all the people playing these games, and to think about all of the books, movies, music, art, and computer software these people could have created if their creative aspirations weren’t being stifled.
It makes me sad to think that I am one of these people. I used to play guitar and piano! Now I barely even listen to music I haven’t heard before. I used to draw and make graphics in photoshop! Now I can’t even put 3 colors together to make a web site that isn’t ugly. I used to write short stories and silly poems! I had a creative drive. I did all of these things. I used to devote energy into things and become very good at them. My teachers in school told me to enter writing contests, told me I would be rich someday, told me I had all of this potential.
Fuck potential. I don’t want to know how much potential I am wasting when I flop on the couch and watch 3 episodes of CSI on Spike TV. I don’t want to know what I could become while I’m restarting a battle in Fire Emblem because Thany the Pegasus Knight got killed by the boss on level 9. It’s depressing. I could have been somebody, but I’m too lazy and complacent.
Maybe it doesn’t always have to be this way. For the past two weeks, I’ve been learning some new programming techniques that assist me in writing a computer game. I have ideas for many games in my head. It would be nice to see my daydreams realized.
This past week, I’ve had more of a drive than I’ve had in a long time. (Translation: I only play video games for half of the evening now.) I actually feel, at the moment, that I want to stick with the path I’ve started and see where it takes me. I won’t post again about my attempt at making a game until I’m at the point where I need to find artists, writers, musicians, map designers, etc to help me finish. This might be in a few months. This might be in a year. This might not ever happen. We shall see.
UPDATE: May 4th, 2012. 5+ Years later. Still hasn’t happened. Will this new blog improve my motivation, or am I doomed to merely daydream about making games while I’m working two jobs?